


No More Weakness

by Argendriel



Series: TFA kink meme fills that are generally non-kinky [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crying, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 17:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5879278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argendriel/pseuds/Argendriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TFA Kink-meme fill for the prompt: Hux/anyone, Hux crying</p>
<p>Hux is apparently not in the mood to get himself comforted or anything, and is basically a little shit even when crying.</p>
<p>Stayed quite firmly on the Gen-side but can be read by the common Kylux shipper as tiny pre-slash. After all, with these two, snapping at each other is close to kissing anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Weakness

**Author's Note:**

> TFA kink-meme prompt here: https://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/1841.html?thread=3567921#cmt3567921
> 
> I have the special skill of writing only the most Gen of kink-meme fills. It's a gift.

Crying had not exactly been discouraged at the Academy. The general consensus was that crying once in a while was preferable to ignoring bottled up emotions until you broke down completely - this wouldn't benefit anyone- and as long as you conducted yourself with the appropriate poise (no crying in public, no wallowing in self pity and no bothering of others with your emotionality), the occasional tears were not met with any severe reprimands.

That didn't mean you weren't regarded as a weakling by your peers and mercilessly mocked for it, however. And if you were the son of an important man, the scrutiny of everyone made sure that you were never quite alone enough to give in to any kind of weakness. Tears were the metaphorical blood in the water for anyone hoping to trip you up on your way to the top.

So Hux worked on hardening his heart and mind to never give anyone a reason to call him weak. And if this meant never shedding a tear, no matter the circumstances, well, that was an easy thing to do. When people started calling him cold (and not in a sense that was in any way meant as a compliment) after even at his mother's funeral his eyes stayed dry as bone, he counted it as a success. 

\--

The first time he felt the sting of tears in his adult life, it was born not from sadness, pain or any other pathetic emotion. It was the overwhelming feeling of pride and accomplishment (and the biting cold wind and the staring into the bright, bright light without blinking) that made his eyes water when the Starkiller Base, _his_ Starkiller Base, made its name a truth instead of just an empty threat.  
Yet even so, he told himself that the faint wetness on his face was melting snow and ignored it until it was dried by the cold wind. 

\--

When Starkiller died, he had no time for tears.

\--

They had been on their way to the Supreme Leader for less than a week, the bridge of the Finalizer bathed in a strangely sombre mood. Or maybe not so strangely, considering their destination - there was no doubt in anyone's minds that they would get away unscathed. Being demoted was the kindest outcome anyone could imagine, and that was a distressing thought in itself for most. There had been a lot of talk, hushed and hurried in private corners, what fate would befall the ones in command. Lord Ren, who still lay still and silent in medical, heavily sedated, with his face and side split open; Captain Phasma, who had been pulled from a trash compactor at basically the very last second, clearly mortified about having gotten into this situation in the first place. And of course, their General. 

General Hux had been on the bridge for the majority of their trip so far, standing at attention staring out into the endless depths of space. He still gave commands as before, but there seemed to be a tension in him, like a wire, taut to the point of snapping. 

Needless to say, few dared approach him any more than absolutely necessary.  
They had seen the general in difference moods over the years - annoyance (directed at incompetence and plans not working exactly as flawlessly as he'd envisioned them) being the most common among them, rarely overt anger (mostly directed at the antics of the Resistance and those of Kylo Ren). Sometimes, there had been something akin to glee or wry amusement or even satisfaction at a plan proceeding particularly well.  
This new mood, however, was strange, and they didn't know what to make of it. 

\--

During the night cycle, the bridge was mostly empty, save for a few officers overlooking their route and speed of travel.  
Lieutenant Mitaka approached the silent, still figure of General Hux anxiously, stopping a few feet behind him before he dared to speak.

"General, Sir? We should be reaching our destination as planned, sir."

He waited for any sign of an acknowledgement from the General, and received a short nod, without the General even turning around.

"Understood, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

Mitaka lingered for a second, unsure. The general's voice had a peculiar tone and he could have sworn that his face, only visible through the reflection of the transparisteel before him, looked almost like...  
No, he must have been imagining things.  
Deeply uncomfortable, Mitaka scurried off.

\--

Of all the things that could have caused a complete breakdown during the last days, the ultimate reason was, to him, comparatively trivial. 

They had boarded the shuttle that would take them down to the Supreme Leader's base. He had looked back over his shoulder at the hangar bay of the Finalizer and had suddenly been struck, with an absolute finality and clarity, by the thought that he might never return to this ship. To his post. To the existence he had lived and worked for all his life. 

On the shuttle, he had managed to excuse himself in a clipped, restrained tone and fled - actually _fled_ \- into the first best unoccupied room. 

He had then, completely and utterly, broken down. 

He had never been an ugly crier before, strict control bred and trained into him from early on, but almost a whole lifetime of not shedding a single tear and the vast and wholly unexpected sensation of regret-dread-hopelessness-anger-injustice took it's natural toll.  
He was not noisy about it, lest the other passengers and crew on the shuttle - few as there were - might hear. He shuddered with suppressed sobs, barely catching enough air and getting dizzy in the process. The leather of his gloves creaked in protest from where he was balling his hands to fists so tightly he lost feeling in his fingertips after a while. He knew, in theory, that he had to compose himself, make himself presentable - the shuttle ride to the base was not a long one - but he couldn't stop and why must he face this humiliation in addition to anything else he had to go through?

The sound of the door hissing open startled him, he had forgotten to engage the lock in his frazzled state of mind. There was someone in the room with him, witnessing his pathetic display and yet he could not seem to control himself, shoulders still shaking with his ugly, unnecessary sobs. 

He would not look at the intruder, would not, could not, lose this last shred of his dignity by letting anyone see his tear stained face, probably red from exertion as well. 

His heart sank even more than he thought possible when he heard the voice.

"He won't kill you, you know. Not now. You're far too valuable to him yet."

Hux barely registered that his sobs slowly turned into bouts of almost hysterical laughter as he tried to find enough air to answer. Of all the people to find him in this situation. 

"Come to gloat, Ren? Leave me be, you will get your triumph over me soon enough!"

He barely registered something that sounded like a sigh.

"I told you, he won't kill you, or whatever you seem to think he'll do to you. Supreme Leader Snoke is wise, he won't throw away an asset for just one mistake."

By now, his despair was steadily giving way to anger.

"Easy for you to say, you are not expendable. There are dozens who are just waiting to take my place. If anything, I will be made an example for others not to fail like I did."

He caught himself before he could reveal more of his inner thoughts and fears, not willing to show more weakness, even when he was already lost without hope. 

"And why do you even care, Ren? Of all the people who would rejoice about my fall, I should have thought you to be the first and foremost."

Ren, in turn, did not answer. Hux risked a look at him, not much dignity left to lose here, and narrowed his eyes at the expression on Ren's newly disfigured face. Even kicked down as he was, he could not resist lashing out at the potential weakness of others, it seemed. 

"Or could it be you're just trying to reassure yourself that he won't do anything to either of us?"

Hux latched onto the slightly uneasy look in Ren's eyes - his face always too easy to read without that ridiculous helmet.

"Yes, I think you're just as worried that he will have no more need for you now that he saw there's another one of you mystical freaks around to get his hands on. One that bested you in a fight, no less.", he spat, channelling all his pathetic emotions into the most poisonous words he could find.

Now it was Ren's turn to flash rage-filled eyes at him... and yet, they lacked part of the heat they usually held.

"I have no illusions about my master's intentions. I trust his judgement and wisdom, and I would suggest you do the same." 

By now, Ren looked at him like he couldn't believe he was even having this conversation, as if Hux was a stupid child who didn't know the first thing about the world.

"The Supreme Leader values you, despite this whole... mess."

Hux could not believe his ears. 

"A mess? Years of careful strategizing, of tireless construction and an immense amounts of funds and resources was obliterated and you call it a _mess_?!"

Ren waved a dismissive hand.

"Call it what you wish, the fact remains that what's done is done, and you are still too well liked by the troops and your loyal officers to just replace you like that. Whatever they see in you, I can't even guess, but there, that's the truth. Supreme Leader will see that, too."

He turned, not waiting on an answer that Hux was, admittedly, too stunned to give, anyway. 

"And at least now that you got angry, you're not crying anymore. You should clean up, we'll be landing shortly."

With that, Ren basically swooped out of the room, leaving Hux behind in a stupor he only slowly shook himself out of while completely digesting Ren's words. 

Well. Trust Ren to finish up some twisted sort of comforting with an insult. 

Hux straightened himself, taking a deep breath. His eyes and his face still felt swollen but a few splashes of cold water should take care of the worst, he hoped. Same with his hair. 

He suspected he had to be thankful to Ren for disturbing him, and he grimaced. Who knew how long his crying fit would have lasted without the damned Knight of Ren barging in on him like that?  
He didn't want to think about it too much.

Instead, he directed his thoughts to the things Ren had said. He had always suspected that his troops, his officers, were loyal to him, but to have this confirmation by someone who could literally look into people's head to pluck out information like this was helpful indeed. He obviously wasn't going to implicitly trust anything that Kylo Ren of all people told him, but he would file this information away in his brain just in case.  
There were still factors working in his favour, after all. 

He could work with that.

\--

On the way to the audience chamber to meet Supreme Leader Snoke - in the flesh, this time, not as a looming hologram - he also swore to himself to put an end to this needless crying. A strong leader of the galaxy had no need for tears, or for any other kind of weakness.


End file.
